Friday, June 07, 2002
Sadly, Grady Olivier
is on vacation
today. You’re stuck with me
, and frankly I am not up to the task---we have lost a lot of inventory here
due to the recent flooding
---therefore, I will keep it brief.
Front page editorial: Arafat
bad; “leftists” like Bob Torricelli
bad for telling the CIA to stay out of Central American affairs but remaining silent while the CIA
for PLO members or some such shit.
Front page: chimp
who uses sign-language dies. Fifth page: Dee Dee Ramone
dies. Think I’ll go home tonight and listen to my albums of chimps
using sign language.
Editorial page: JP Avlon blames decline of quality of life in Greenwich Village on tattoo parlors and the bad element
they attract. The goddamn endless argument about the oldest fucking tavern in New York continues in the letters section. Let’s just pick a bar
, call it the oldest
, and BE DONE WITH IT
The Sun (“It Shines For All
”) weakly continues integrating AP sports news into its slim pages in an attempt to provide something, anything, of interest for its readers (whose constituency at this point appears to include only Grady Olivier and myself
, plus those
concerned with determining the oldest bar
in New York).
At least there is one bright spot---the triumphant return of James Bowman
after another lengthy absence. When is he going to be given his own regular spot? When will Riley
stop hogging all the big new movies and cut My Man a piece of that cake? Regardless, Bowman is back (and again on the first page, and again under a cheesecake photo), and I couldn’t be happier if I was R Kelly at a Girl Scout Jamboree.
Thursday, June 06, 2002
Just as the Sun
goes to the Manhattan Institute, the splendid think tank that brought us the equally splendid fellow
who first plotted the "Axis of Evil
" for support, we here at Like Father, Like Sun find ourselves going to the invaluable Economic Policy Institute
In the first of its three editorials, the Sun
noticed that the Washington Post
and New York Times
drew different conclusions on mobility from data released by the Census Bureau. The Post
offered the more Panglossian conclusion, and was therefore cited approvingly by Seth Lipsky, rumored to have the text to the first chapter of Alger's The Errand Boy
tattooed on his sizable midriff. It's more of a case of the Times
being attacked than the Post
being lauded for their skillful analysis of the data.
's relationship to the Times
is curious. After all, Ira Stoll established himself largely by locating spelling errors in the Times
and remains to this day a sworn enemy of the paper. Though his avowal does not prevent the Sun from invoking the paper as an authority
when it suits their needs
. As for us, we prefer the word of accomplished economists on such matters, hence our recourse to EPI
. Oh, and Seth, your wife's apologetics on behalf of the ruling class do not constitute an economics worthy of the name. Her book
is little more than a collection of fifth-hand arguments cobbled together to be swung as a cudgel by Freemen
, Big Dick Gilder, and libertarians of the more retrograde sort
The second editorial is an appreciation of "Gephardt's Gumption" [sic], a tribute to a man cowed by the baying immoralists of the war party into accepting a war "against Saddam Hussein's regime." A renewed war is of course necessary as we have exhausted our diplomatic options against the regime (read: people
). I've been compiling a list of things Seth and Ira
like. I'll add "political opportunism" and "moral cowardice" right behind "bombs" and "charter schools."
In the third and final, Seth and Ira note Yasser Arafat's inability or unwillingness to secure peace (his similar inability or unwillingness to secure a state for the Palestinians is not noted, presumably for space constraints, right?). They break out a careerist yes-man - whose interest in peace is so great that he took a full six days to even get to the Middle East when his doing so was imperative - to question Arafat's credentials: Colin "It's really not a number I'm terribly interested in" Powell. Is there a quarter Seth and Ira would forsake in seeking "proofs" for their assertions?
Wednesday, June 05, 2002
Considering each and every previous outing of Like Father, Like Sun, it seems never have we given due attention to that most hideous constituent of Michael Steinhardt's bestiary
. Seth and Ira
, for all their obscene warmongering and alienation from Humanity, vie closely behind, but who can compete with Amity Shlaes for disgusting hypocrisy and undisguised contempt for anybody whose income does not match her own.
Shlaes was last spotted in the Sun
defending the Stanley Works and its proposed abandonment of America in a piece that argued that any villainy attributed to Stanley was actually mis
attributed, as Stanley was a corporate entity which cannot be held to individual standards. Amity, do you simultaneously endorse corporate campaign and soft-money financing as guaranteed by the First Amendment? I'd wager you do.
Shlaes, Seth Lipsky's smokin' trophy wife
, today presents the Sun
's True Believers with another epistle confirming their virtue. She reads from the good book of The Nanny Diaries
, the inaugural literary endeavor of a pair of Lizzie Grubmans in training. Shlaes, it seems, can examine anything - the latest Bureau of Economic Analysis findings, the Middle East, a novel of the poorest sort - and find confirmation of her shameful prejudices against the downtrodden. What does she conclude on finishing The Nanny Diaries
, jointly authored by "the daughter of an Upper East Side art bookstore owner [who] attended Manhattan's elite Chapin School
before transferring to NYU
" and "the child of a college professor and a landscape designer," also of NYU? Amazingly, she finds the book confirms the endurance of the Horation Alger figure! [quotes from the Philadelphia Inquirer
, a real newspaper.]
, in Shlaes's telling, demonstrate the eternal triumph of merit over money. I guess that's how Michael Steinhardt and Rachel P. Kovner's dad got all their money
. The rich girls who played at nanny for a while to supplement their allowances, Shlaes tells us, eventually prevail over the rich ladies whom they served, something owing equally to the girls' initiative and the mistresses' inadequacy. Shlaes goes out of her way to ridicule one woman possessed of "risible education credentials" who attended the University of Connecticut
(Subsidized education? Yuck!
In closing, Shlaes states that anyone who wants to get ahead can do so in this present meritocracy, a statement she backs up with reference to a thoroughly discredited
study by free market loon W. Michael Cox of the Dallas Fed. Cox, who was Charles Kadlec
before Charles Kadlec
was Charles Kadlec
, found in his stilted study that 5% of those in the lowest income quintile were still there after 16 years. Amazingly, Cox cherrypicked the seven states from which they drew their sample and began charting the subjects from the age of 16. Could those persons have moved upward by simply, say, turning 18 and entering the workforce as is common? One wonders what income the authors of The Nanny Diaries
were generating at age 16.
Tuesday, June 04, 2002
The experience of continually being proved wrong becomes demoralizing. Prior to giving Alicia Colon's column overdue consideration, we here at Like Father, Like Sun
would have thought that a third-rate newspaperwoman such as Ms. Colon would look good by relief in the pages of a sixth-rate paper such as the Sun
. Our fallibility seems without bottom these days.
Colon, to state matters baldly, is upset with people picking on the Pope
. She seems dangerously close to denouncing
the Church's payouts to victims of pedophilic priests, though she brings herself under control while at the very edge of the precipice. She then redirects her fury at those who question the morality of a Church that can be so fabulously wealthy
(which it really isn't, Colon says, in contradiction of this learned scholar
) while countenancing its customers
' starvation. Why not revise Vatican policy and sell some of that irreplaceable art to Michael Steinhardt
? Colon tells us: "Those precious artworks and artifacts make the Church
a powerful influence." I see. By virtue of its wealth, it is able to influence. Kind of like Texaco. And I thought it was supposed to be about Truth.
Colon's is a privileged interpretation of Holy Writ. For whatever their respective doctrinal differences, Colon's reading seems to be about as far from actual Scripture as can be, putting her in the company of Satornilus of Antioch, Torquemada, Robert Hanssen
, and that most obnoxious of half-witted apologists, Andrew Sullivan
Monday, June 03, 2002
The New York Sun
is learning, though it seems to be following not the lead of reputable and time-tested newspapers but of Enron. Seth
have hastily constructed a fake front page
to trick media analysts into believing business is booming. They crowd all the staff-written pieces up front, whether they be worthless and irrelevant or just worthless. Comprising today's motley are three large pictures, a piece on rooftop gardens, proof positive that Jack Newfield is in dire financial straits, and a "Staff Reporter of the Sun" who "Follow[s] That Squirrel," this last piece just a rewrite of a Reuters story. Crowded within are all the AP stories (oops! Greg Myre's piece appears on the front page, but at least you guys managed to bury the attribution beneath three pages of print) and demonstrations of the Sun
's incompetence and wholesale want of professionalism.
Anyone venturing as far as the editorial page would be scandalized by the amateurishness and sickened by the contents. Today's weigh-in on "Kerry's Accuser
" is vicious even by Seth and Ira's established standards. Apparently the two believe that the Vietnamese, on account of their subscription to a political doctrine that offends their sensibilities, have forfeited their right to launch a criminal inquiry. "The thing to remember about Vietnam," they write, "is that the entire Communist myth of the war is so riddled with falsehood that the standing of Hanoi to enter into a discussion of morals is non-existent
." Apparently our reading of Foreign Ministry spokesman Phan Thuy Thanh was faulty - Seth and Ira tell us Thanh's country wants a discussion of morals rather than a finding of facts. Our bad. We also hadn't recognized the unreliability of commies as witnesses, but after considering how reading the Grundrisse
a twelve-year-old into believing just about anything, we have to disqualify Bui Thi Luom
entirely. What with The War Against Terror (TWAT) and its plans to intervene and intrude upon everywhere and everybody, we need immediate rehabilitation of the Vietnam War. The last thing needed is a bunch of longhairs
calling the present operations into question and picketing the journalistic potter's field down at 105 Chambers Street.