Friday, June 14, 2002
Gary Shapiro gets around to writing up the dedication of this year’s Eric Breindel Award for Ecellence in Journalism. Had I felt like squandering an additional $25 on Seth Lipsky, I would have nominated the Sun
editor. Given his seething disgust for Arabs, the poor, the homeless, and communists, he surely would have captured the prize. Absent Lipsky’s entry, Victor Davis Hanson, humanist, took the honors.
Bloomberg in a speech at the event: Breindel was “a much nicer guy than I’ll ever be.” Uhm, okay
We have it on information we consider reliable that Seth Lipsky turns a full 56 this weekend, putting him less than a lap behind Bob Hope. We had wanted to buy him a gift but were unsure as to how it would be received. Lipsky is, after all, the most ungrateful man in New York publishing. First, recognizing the miserable performance of the Sun
's ad sales department, we sought to undertake an advertisement
in the paper thereby supplementing its modest revenues. We were met with the coldest of silences. Next, Brad Olson offers his comprehensive suite of services
, including hair transplants and motivational speeches for which he often receives a handsome premium, to the balding and demoralized Lipsky. More of the same silence. We are concerned a gift sent to the Sun
's offices would be regarded with similar contemptuous indifference, especially if we had gotten Seth something he actually did not need.
We will therefore let Seth choose from among the following possible gifts, each of which he needs desperately:
$50 gift certificate redeemable at Seven Stories Press
- I had approached this fine house about a bulk order as part of a remedial reading program I was developing for the Sun
and its staff. We were offered an appreciable discount, though I declined after deciding the program's administration would be too taxing. After all, I'm no Benno Schmidt
. But the offer stands, Seth. That $50, with discount, would probably net you a dozen copies of Eqbal Ahmad's "Their Terrorism and Ours"
pamphlet, though I imagine you'd prefer the works of Noam Chomsky.
$50 one-time endowment to Z Magazine
- Speaking of Chomsky, this fine leftist magazine often features his work, as well as that of Robert Fisk, John Pilger, and Edward Said, each of whom would be considered persona non grata in your fine newsroom
. Choosing this, Seth, may be chalked up by Him as a contribution to decency and a counterbalance to your disgraceful warmongering of late.
$42 in Greyhound fare
- This is the precise amount of a roundtrip ticket between Washington, D.C. and New York when purchased seven days in advance. The ticket, of course, would be delivered to the Almighty James Bowman
so he could take in a film preview and provide your readers with a decent summation. Those ridiculous asses you've been featuring of late, Seth, are simply not up to scratch. Bowman, of course, merits first-class airfare, though Like Father Like Sun is not backed by a gang of anti-democratic plutocrats and is therefore unable to honor
the Virginian properly.
Let us know, Seth
. Our contact information can be found at the left.
Thursday, June 13, 2002
Seth and Ira
serve up another steaming heap of dung and call it a metropolitan daily this morning. The Sun
, the Manhattan Institute
's print warblog, runs a Richard Brookhiser piece in which Brookhiser effectively sets a new nadir for honesty in the paper's editorial pages.
In his disgusting commentary on the response of Middle Eastern and Muslim groups to the treatment they've received post-9/11, Brookhiser catalogues the indignities suffered by various ethnic groups in times of war. He starts off playing up to the Irish
despite the fact we never warred with Ireland. He then details the rough treatment German and Japanese immigrants were put to when America battled their respective homelands. The point of it all? Brookhiser tells us that all previous minority groups endured much worse, wearing a shit-eating grin and accepting their lot with equanimity, while many of their constituents furthered the war effort and took up arms on behalf of America. Brookhiser then asks: "How did the spokesmen for the relevant [Middle Eastern-Islamic] minority groups behave? With fears, carping, and complaints."
Brookhiser is of the belief that wrong should abided without cavil at least as long as it is less egregious than in former times. Further, he closes his essay with the ominous observation that "polite treatment alone...does not seem to be enough to lead men to [patriotism]." It would be interesting to apply Brookhiser's postulates to our darker-skinned brethren, begining with the Secession of the Lower South. At that time, it was both legal in the formal and God-granted senses to own blacks as movable property. Yet those damn coloreds gracelessly refused to accept circumstance and Confederate rule, with freedmen recovering crops for the Northerners and fighting against their former masters. Those obstreperous Negroes continue to confound, whinging and whining about differential rates of poverty and incarceration, and Confederate flags atop municipal buildings.
What, after all, are a few lynchings and shots fired at mosques? Just shut up and report to the nearest internment camp.
Wednesday, June 12, 2002
I never thought that I would find a kindred spirit in The Sun. I figured I might find some pie
, or perhaps a few stray wads of cash
, but never a person I would be proud to call my friend. Nevertheless, on the front page of today's Sun was such a man, Thomas Moore. Here is a man who immediately volunteers, upon introduction, that he is a Yale
grad, and is quick to reveal his Harvard
law degree. And here we have the first of many similarities between myself and Moore, Esq. I, too, have a habit of announcing which schools
I received degrees
from--I am proud of my education
, and everyone else should be proud of it as well. The article presents Moore putting an impertinent cabbie in his place by asking if the hack, too, has a Harvard JD
. Hyuk! Damn straight! Put those lazy fuckers
in their place! Most cabbies
are immigrants anyway! I'm sick of these cocky drivers
getting away with murder
, and its about time somebody called them on it!
Furthermore, Moore has convinced himself
that he is descended from royalty, just like me! I certainly don't think the humble Olson clan sprung from the loins of William
the Conqueror, like Moore does, but my royal predecessors
ain't too shabby
, either. Of course, personally I don't feel like Moore's quote "This country is not an aristocracy" really helps our noble cause that much, but then his William the Conqueror
outranks my ancestors
, so I defer.
These days Moore is Sun-worthy because he's taking on those fat-cat researchers
at Columbia, suing one of them for basically crank calling
some trendy restaurants and pretending to have gotten food poisoning to gauge the reactions of the proprietors. Luckily, the Sun points out, most of the restaurateurs are friends of Moore's from the Confrerie de la Chaine des Rotisseurs
, which may sound highbrow but is the sort of everyman group I've been wanting to join for years-I even know a couple
that would make great members. Anyway, because of all the suffering these regular-joe chefs endured, Moore is suing Columbia for $100 million
. I'm glad at least ONE lawyer is finally fighting the good fight, and I'm sure Moore will go on to help the similarly afflicted
Tommy, I'll see you at the Confrerie
Amity Shlaes (wife of Mr. Amity Shlaes a/k/a Seth Lipsky
) continues to astound. Last week we examined the class contempt
she can't even be bothered to conceal. This week she betrays yet another element in the farrago of depravities that constitutes her psychology. In her reading of international affairs, Europe's most salient characteristic is its mortified power envy of the United States. Writing of the Cold War, Shlaes ventures, "[t]hat period, after all, was an emasculating one for Europe." Apparently Europe's humiliation was not limited to the years 1945 to 1990
. According to Shlaes, "Europe wants a chance this time - for once! - to determine its own destiny." This is perhaps the most bizarrely reductive reading of history we've found ourselves afoul of, though we can understand its appeal to an adherent of doctrine that September 11 happened because "they hate our freedoms." Last week Shlaes demonstrated her estrangement from Humanity, this week she shows herself to be equally out of touch with history - with the same prejudices underlying both modes of alienation.
Seth and Ira
, lower in the page, haul in another City Journal stiff to provide a morally edifying lecture on why The New York Times
and left are wrong, wrong, wrong. The cadaver du jour
tells us today that the arrest of Jose Padilla necessitates those damn liberals acknowledge "the Duty of Defense," shorthand for the unprecedented inflation of a state security apparatus that functions in contempt of basic rights and a concomitant bombing campaign against any and all far-flung countries Paul Wolfowitz and Richard Perle don't care for. In her splendid little outing, the cadaver
hauls off on Judge Shira Scheindlin, saying the squeamish Judge
kowtowed to civil libertarians, forcing the government to transfer Padilla to a military lockup and announce his arrest. The same events have been reported thusly elsewhere: "The highly publicised announcement of the arrest only came after the failure to find anything more incriminating
." The preceding quote comes from a piece that notes that "despite extensive inquiries, no evidence has been produced to show that he had access to the radioactive material needed to build the bomb, or indeed that he had even worked out a time or place to launch the attack."
: we here at Like Father, Like Sun
drew a radically different conclusion from events of the past eight months, discussed in a separate forum
and buttressed further with the Padilla development. What we have in fact seen is a massive failure of The War Against Terror (TWAT), with nearly each and all the federal gubmint's most wanted terrorists still in active practice and a stateside population quaking with fear almost as vigorously as it did on September 11. The greatest success of that war was the capture of Abu Zubaydah in a lawful
police action in Pakistan. It was Zubaydah's information, after all, that brought about Padilla's capture. These facts are lost on the cadaver
and her allied jingoes
, and they continue to assure us that violations of Constitutional rights must be endured and American boys and girls must continue to die in an ever-expanding war because our intelligence service overlords could not give proper attention to a series of memoranda
Tuesday, June 11, 2002
Bear with us a few days, dear readers, while I reacclimatize myself after my vacation
and recapture my momentum. Allow me to take the lazy man
's route and reprint material from the Daily Telegraph
this morning. For shits and giggles, substitute the name 'Ariel Sharon' for ' Robert Mugabe,' and 'Israel' for 'Zimbabwe' in the below piece, which the Sun
features on page seven:
President Robert Mugabe used a United Nations food summit in Rome yesterday to hail his land grab as a "visionary" response to the hunger and poverty laying waste to his country.
Zimbabwe's president made his policy of expropriating white-owned land the mainstay of his address at the opening day of the UN Food and Agriculture Organisation's World Food Summit.
He told fellow delegates that his government had "responded to the people's cry for land" by embarking on a "fast-track acquisition and resettlement programme". This "now enables people to fight poverty by directly working on their own land.
"Their own, I say with emphasis, because land, being the most important natural resource of any country, must belong to, and be owned by, the indigenous people.
Monday, June 10, 2002
Good evening, welcome to Like Father, Like Sun
. Grady Olivier
is on vacation
; I’m Brad Olson
LF,LS has completed its exhaustive tabulation
of The Sun’s front-page fauna-related efforts for the month of May, and are proud to bring you the following final tally. The word “dog
” appeared on the front page 4 times (counting the final appearance, in the May 3-5 issue, of Forgea
, the dog who attempted to sail an oil tanker around the world or something). Birds appeared twice, once in the form of a “Featherless Chicken
” (May 21) and once as “Rare Birds
” (May 23). “Fish
” closed out the month on May 31, with “Fish
” having appeared the day previous (and also counted for the one appearance of “Bug”). Cats hit the big time twice as well, under the guise of “Tasmanian Tiger
” (May 29) and “Frenzied Cat
” (May 14). “Boars
,” a dark-horse
candidate, hit the front page May 28; commentators had predicted the boar slot to be occupied by the suddenly trendy binturong
, and were shocked that the toothy Sus scrofa made the cut. Other single-timers included a buffalo
(May 24-26), Castro
(May 20), “Bionic Rats
” (May 2), John DiIulio
(May 22), and “Rattlers
” (May 16).
Thanks for playing! The winner of the all-expenses paid trip to New York’s oldest bar
will be announced soon