Friday, January 24, 2003
We have previously noted that the New York Sun’s version of affirmative action is strikingly similar to that of Gov. George Bush---i.e., nepotism. The paper brought to you by Conrad Black
(aka Lord Black of Crossharbour) and Bruce Kovner
, and edited by Seth Lipsky
, has in the past brought you articles and commentary from such diverse authors as Barbara Amiel (aka Lady Black
of Crossharbour), Amity Shlaes (aka Mrs. Seth Lipsky
), and the late Rachel P. Kovner
. Today’s nepotism spotlight falls on Pia
Catton Nordlinger, who covers the ballet beat
for the Sun. Pia’s hubby is Jay Nordlinger
, slumming National Review/Weekly Standard/Bush apologist and reviewer of classical music and opera for the Sun. Between them, the Nordlingers
have sewn up the “Pretentious Couple of the Year (Most Representative of The New York Sun’s Target Demographic Subcategory)” award. We congratulate them on their title
When something bearing the subject heading "No brainer" landed in the inbox I knew I was in for it. A reader writes:
When accusing somebody of having no brains, the accuser should take care of not letting others believe that he also might be afflicted by the same deficiency. For example, you write:
" After all, braindead editor Ira Stoll would register the same lowly baseline on an EKG as his bird cage liner registers with the Audit Bureau of Circulations."
Since you are referring to Mr. Stoll's alleged advanced state of brain decomposition, it follows that the low baseline his brain allegedly registers must be registered by means of an electroencephalograph, a word so long and awkward to pronounce that most people with a half-dead brain shorten to EEG. An EKG is short-hand for electrocardiogram, which, as most people with a half-dead brain know, is used to register the registrations of the heart and not of the brain, dead or otherwise. Actually, EKG is the acronym for the German/Dutch word "Elektrokardiogram". ECG is the English equivalent, but for some unfathomable reason most English-speaking people with a half-dead brain use EKG.
I know, I know! You did this on purpose so I could write you a smart-ass email.
No, I loused it up.
Brad Olson and I err with Ira frequency and welcome all corrections. When I have occasion to re-read some of the old posts I wonder why get so few smart-ass emails.
Brad Olson's New Year's resolution was to do a better job with spell- and fact-checking. Hopefully you'll have less need in the future to send notes pointing out and correcting our stupidity, though we'll continue to welcome all reader mail.
P.S. - My New Year's resolution was to mow the lawn with greater frequency. Not sure exactly how that will affect the site.
Thursday, January 23, 2003
R. Eminem Tyrrell is losing himself
, calling (in a fit of pique) for a complete pullout of US troops from South Korea. The democratically elected leadership of that country apparently has not kissed the ass (Tyrrell-style) of America’s unelected president, and so Em flies off the handle. Auntie calls on Jimmy Carter (for the umpteenth time?) and Kim Dae Jung to return their Nobel Peace Prizes due to North Korea’s treaty violations, (We anxiously await the day R. requests that Big Hank Kissinger does the same.) and calls Carter and Kim appeasers. (So, R., what exactly is it your hero
?) But my very, very favorite line is this, on North Korean leader Kim Jong Il: “He is a sybarite
, given to drink
, and licentiousness
.” (You can see where I’m gonna go with this, right?) So basically, Em calls Kim a person devoted to pleasure and luxury
, a drunk
, a heavy eater
, and lacking moral discipline
or ignoring legal restraint
. Although in fairness, we should mention that Emmy adds, “Worse, [Kim] has a murderous record
For whatever actually transpires within the Sun
's editorial offices, few signs of life can be detected without. After all, braindead editor Ira Stoll would register the same lowly baseline on an EKG as his bird cage liner registers with the Audit Bureau of Circulations. We've noted previously
the paper's outward appearance of being manned largely by persons no longer of this veil. Recent happenings and broadcasts may have confused some of the Sun
's few readers - a class prone to confusion - to conclude that there may have been additional deaths in the below two instances. We have reason to believe these conculsions are ill-founded:
: As Brad Olson notes below, Auntie Em is still composing regular mash notes to the pointy-headed (illegal) occupant of the Oval Office. Unless these were composed well in advance and are being released post-mortem by Tyrrell's assigns - a distinct possibility considering their complete disconnect from present reality - Tyrrell would properly be numbered among the living
. Viewers of the recent PBS (SethandIra's favorite!) production of The Murder of Emmett Till
who mistook the subject for the similarly named Sun
scribbler can rest assured that only Mr. Tyrrell's chances of being taken seriously have been killed - and that happened long ago.
: Where there's smoke, there's fire. And the compiler of the Sun
's Police Blotter is likely close behind. Or fleeing in advance. Today's New York Times obituary
memorialized someone else of the same name.
The verdict is very much out on other employees of the paper, particularly the editors. The bigotries comprising Seth Lipsky's worldview date from the Cretaceous Period. His brain seems to have been preserved in amber shortly thereafter. Surely nothing could endure the passage of so formidable length of time.
Crediting Ira Stoll
with posession of a brain seems overly generous, and a multi-celled creature of sufficient complexity cannot survive without one. Surely he's dead. Consider today's laughable editorial
postulating a diminishment of French "genius" with the country's recent cooling to the idea of a slaughter of Iraqis. If it had been authored by anyone capable of thought, its author did an exceptionable job in providing evidence to the contrary.
Wednesday, January 22, 2003
Today Errol Louis weighs in with another well-written, thoughtful column (unavailable on the Sun’s website, busy as it is with Lauren Mechling’s trip to a Trenton steakhouse
. Lauren, we hope you remembered to bring back the 40oz porterhouse Mr. Steinhardt asked you to pick up!). We have noted his good work before
. So we ask, Do any of our readers work for real newspapers? If so, couldn’t one of you hire Mr. Louis away, freeing him from this den of ineptitude? Or will Mr. Louis end up like Ernie Banks, always fated to be a great player on a horrible team
Tuesday, January 21, 2003
The New York Sun’s R. Eminem Tyrrell on ‘About Schmidt’: “It turned out to be a tedious regurgitation of all those novels beginning somewhere in the 19th century whose mission it was to lecture us on the mindlessness of middle-class life. Perhaps there is something to it. Perhaps middle-class life is mindless. All of the middle-class members of the audience sat in quiet reverence. I left halfway through.” So let us keep in mind that the next time Auntie Em lectures us on the middle-class mindset, or about the middle-class values of his own personal American Idol
, that he does not consider himself a member of said class. That he has nothing but contempt for the middle class. That he appears to have as much disdain for the middle class as he has for his unfortunate readers
Meanwhile, in William Mauldin’s Police Blotter (A Quinn Martin Production
): “A police helicopter evacuated an injured crewman from a Dutch cocoa ship yesterday after a fire
broke out in the engine room.”
Monday, January 20, 2003
"Dems Go Donor Hunting in NYC
," a wearisome activity spared the Republicunts, thanks to the willingness of certain Sun
bagmen to fork over a check or two - or 288,725
Elsewhere in the Sun
, the editorialists
get down to the heady business of "Thinking About King
." At the beginning of their meditation on MLK and his unfinished project Seth and Ira note "how far there still is to go." Of course we agree. After all, one still happens upon frenzied bigots
denouncing Cadillac Queens and spoiled brats
fulminating against the poor. Worse yet, the most retrograde and rebarbative """""""""""""""""""""opinions""""""""""""""""""""" (Lord, Seth, those scare quotes are just the job!) to escape the Augusta National locker room are amplified and disseminated by bloated sacks whose forebearers backed and benefited from Dr. King's program. Now the errand boys employed by those bloated sacks
are writing as follows:
On this holiday in recent years, we have also found ourselves thinking of King’s stand in foreign affairs. He broke with some of his advisers, after all, to oppose America’s involvement in the war in Indochina. Yet we are not so sure that he would find himself as comfortable in the anti-war movement of today. It is riddled with anti-Semites and haters of the Jewish state. King, in contrast, was an active opponent of anti-Semitism. He was a leader on the issue. We would like to think that he would comprehend the situation today.
Seth, of course, remains a believer in the war in Indochina in both its declared and undeclared components. His numerous proclamations of membership of The Party of Fear and manifestations of his Paranoid Editorial Style have been treated here before. That unashamed stupidity remains impervious to factual and moral argument, just as its champion remains oblivious to the fact that readable copy drives newsstand sales.