Friday, June 13, 2003
's "readers" are treated to a weekend bird-cage liner so dull that they may actually do the crossword.
In today's dispatch from the SethandIra Don't Understand Anything Department: Thousands of words of further blather about how bad Bloomberg's ratings are and how Bloomberg's efforts to get the City out of its deep fiscal hole are responsible. About the second part they are no doubt right, though they stumble on this by accident. SethandIra have no idea why the City is in a deep fiscal hole.
Ask them, and they will say something like, "The City's payroll is too large." This judgment demands a reasonable understanding of what the City actually does and how much what the City does costs, two matters on which SethandIra have consistently shown no comprehension. They say things like, "The City's taxes are too high," though they have never thought about the matter without some twisted-ass tutorial from E.J. McMahon. And, anyway, what they mean is that the City's taxes are too high on people like themselves. That is, cracker-ass crackers. They say things like, "High taxes hurt the economy," without considering, in any way, the last twenty years of this country's fiscal history, in which higher taxes have always been accompanied by higher rates of growth, and lower taxes have always brought on disaster.
As a touching counter-point, the Dismal Economists offer up Pataki's 42% approval rating as a model of all that Bloomberg should be. Wow. 42%. Sounds like Bush's numbers about a year from now. Which is to say, four months after the Sun
goes out of print.
Yet another miserable issue of the Sun
today. Today we get word that some insufferable PR poseur who authored a "Native's Guide to New York" has fled the city over fears of "missing doormen." Ah, a New Yorker in the SethAndIra mold.
Andrew Sullivan's effort
to keep Howell Raines' name in print continues. He invokes the deposed Times
editor in a gambit to question Hillary Clinton's authorship of the recent book bearing her name. This healthy post-Pharma concern for journalistic ethics - full attribution among them - is admirable, but we wonder if he wouldn't be better off directing his fire at nearer targets. Why Mark Steyn, the plagiarizing sack of shit who retains more water than the Croton Reservoir, steals words - from his allies
, even! - with regularity.
Thursday, June 12, 2003
We here at Like Father Like Sun are actually quite big fans of Wild Bill Mauldin, the compiler of the Sun
's Police Blotter. His reporting - unlike that of the nauseating Benny Avni - is usually spot-on. If only his editors were at all competent. From today's Blotter we learn of a brawl "in front of a parking garage on East 34th Street and 10th Avenue
Ah, the ordinary semi-intelligent guy from the Berkshires is about as competent a map-reader as Arik Sharon.
are real New Yorkers.
Again, sometimes the Sun, in its own idiotological way, stumbles on truth. Today, their Benj. Smith writes about how Republicans are swallowing their ire at Bloomberg and his tax increases and his smoking ban because he is able to raise massive amounts of money in cash-rich Manhattan.
The lesson here is less about the Sun, or about Bloomberg, than it is about the ethics of Republicans and the strength of their convictions. It's all about soft, soft money. Real soft. Like Chalabi's butter, soft.
No wonder the Downtown Dipshits go into convulsions every time they are forced to reference campaign-finance reform in their "newspaper." One wonders: Would the Republicans be able to take a stonger stand against Bloomberg's smoking ban and his tax increases if they weren't such whores for his money? Might this create a more honest political dialogue?
Ooooh, that teeters dangerously close to a campaign-finance reform argument. But, of course Ira, money is free speech. At least, the kind of free speech you don't think should be prosecuted
Ahmad Chalabi is, of course, a thief
. He is also a liar
. But today’s New York Sun reveals a fact about Chalabi that disgusts in a way I hadn’t thought possible.
In a bylined Lipsky
monkeypock, Chalabi “bounds into the room for dinner with the editors of the New York Sun. . . . he is tired and hungry when he gets to his meeting with the Sun. [Yes, the entire piece is written in the present tense. Disgusting, agreed, but that’s not what I’m talking about.]
“He takes his seat immediately, turns his wine glass upside down to indicate he’ll not be drinking, picks up a knife and using it like a spoon, scoops up and begins to MUNCH ON A PAT OF BUTTER.” [Horrified emphasis added.]
I don’t know what to say. I’m a good Midwestern boy. I like butter. But this is utterly appalling. Maybe eating butter is some sort of weird custom Chalabi acquired when growing up (perhaps our readers can enlighten me---is this a habit in Chalabi’s homeland
?), but to me it is just another glaring example of why this man must be stopped.
Tuesday, June 10, 2003
Sparkling prose and tight
PC muscles reasoning got me my
Daily Telegraph column
Again and as always, Errol Louis shames his editors by turning in the kind of performance which SethAndIra have proven themselves incapable of. We were overjoyed yesterday when the estimable Mr. Louis appeared "at" page one (his portrait in full color, no less), though we see Lipsky and/or Stoll have again banished one of their most compelling figures to the most desolate locale in all of SethAndIra
nistan - the page 7 gulag.
The dreariness of his surroundings in no way impairs Mr. Louis' ability to kick much ass. Having waited for the tide of news ink already squandered on the issue to recede like Seth's hairline, Mr. Louis steps up to nail the Jayson Blair Witch Hunt, telling his readers not to hate the player but rather the game. His piece reverberates across today's Sun
, and serves as an apt companion to the latest offering of the dreadful Barbara Amiel, a/k/a Lady Blackguard of Drossharbour
Housefrau Black tells us that the player-hating assholes prosecuting the anti-pro-growth jihad against super-wealthy piece of shit Martha Stewart need to just calm the fuck out. They don't know how money's made, she suggests. I'm sure hubby
would agree, as would Bruce Kovner and Midwood Fats
. But she can't bring herself to follow the logic she accidentally stumbles upon to its terminus in the manner a more intrepid and mentally with it inquirer in the Louis mold would. You won't hear Babs Black tell you that the system's a mess and that her interest is in preserving her exploitative post. Such a scenario is about as likely as Seth declining another piece of pie when the desert cart's rolled out a second time.
Pity Eric Wolff.
The poor, hungry Sun staffer is forced to swallow his journalistic pride and write a below-the-fold "Special to the Sun" on Stool-Lipsky's twin obsessions: slinging mud at the New York Times and continuing to fight the Cold War. This second obsession is particularly odd for Mr. Lipsky, who no doubt goes to bed every night believing that it was he, short of stature and bereft of hair, who won the Cold War. Single-handedly. (Or, at least, with a little help from Ollie North).
So poor Mr. Wolff has to write about the "movement" to revoke the Pulitzer of Walter Duranty, who won the prize in 1932 without being adequately anti-Communist. Mr. Wolff's sad piece contains such fair-and-balanced journalistic gems as: "The peg-legged Duranty was in Russia for the end of the Russian Civil War and had a prime seat for the erection of the new worker’s paradise. His Communist sympathies were no secret, and at the time the consequences of supporting the Bolsheviks were beneficial, as opposed to his other ruling passion: women."
"Through it all, Duranty used his towering reputation (though his own stature was short) among foreign correspondents to denounce reporters trying to report Stalin’s crimes accurately," reports Mr. Wolff. (Kind of reminds you of another newsman, just replace "Stalin's crimes" with "Bush's crimes.")
As you might expect, the Sun's editors can't bring themselves to print this story without publishing an accompanying photo of Jayson Blair. This brings up an odd question: Are the editors trying to say that Blair's "Steyned
" columns were morally equivalent to Duranty's alleged cover-up of the Ukrainian famines? Or could they just not resist reminding their "readers," ad Sunauseam, that their cross-town non-rival has had some problems lately?
On to the idiotorial page, where Messrs. Lipsky and Ira hand us this gem: "Coming from the White House spokesman for a president elected [sic] by voters hoping to replace Clintonian doubletalk with Texas straight talk, these comments yesterday were stunning."
What comments? Did Fleischer finally spill that the Basra Boogie-down was a sham, forced on the American public by fear-mongers, war-bloggers, intelligence manipulators, and King Karl? Ha! Nope, they're referring to Ari the Liar's unwillingness to ritualistically denounce Yassar Arafat. "Stunning," indeed. Whatever "Texas straight talk" means, it is a characteristically condescending fart from the Sunnis. At some point, they will realize that the Bush administration is made up of the most accomplished liars in American history.
Two more gems in the Sun today:
(1) From Barbara (Lady Black) Amiel: "I had never thought of a white umbrella until now — black always seemed more chic. But, once again, Ms. Stewart has changed my view of life." Thanks for that, Barb.
(2) From William Tucker: "When was the last time you saw an apartment advertised for anything approaching $720 a month?" I don't know, William, but it sure wasn't in the Sun's classifieds. Maybe check the poor black folk. And so the paper that claims to shine for all New Yorkers shows its roots. Asshole.
Monday, June 09, 2003
BLOATED BIGOT WATCH
James Taranto has the following printed in today's Sun:
'"Belgian police said Thursday they detained an Iraqi man after letters containing a nerve-gas ingredient were sent to the prime minister’s office," Reuters reports from Brussels. Let’s review
• Iraq has nothing to do with terrorism.
• Iraq doesn’t have chemical weapons.
• Pursuing a less-aggressive foreign policy is the best way to prevent terrorism.
It’s a myth-busting trifecta!"
This particular strain of illogic explains perfectly why The Lummox's rants continue to be printed in the Sun. The fact that "an Iraqi man" sent "a nerve gas ingredient" to some Belgian politician, to the reactionaries, provides ample cover for the Basra Boogie-down. This though, to Taranto, the war was already self-justified -- it involved the deaths of many Arabs, especially Arab children, who grow up to breed new Arabs.
Somehow, Taranto and his enablers at the Sun don't seem to understand that point (a) and (b) of his trite-fecta have yet to be disproved. The fact that SethandIra were forced to put the Bush "administration"'s post-war hangover on the front page is evidence enough that some guy who happened to be from Iraq mailing bleach to some Belgian says absolutely nothing. Which is about right, for Taranto and his print home.
'At' page one of today's Sun is an AP dispatch on the fallout from our overwhelmingly reactionary media's coverage of the Rupert Murdoch's War. It reads: "A group of French schoolchildren has been forced to cancel a summer exchange trip to America after being told they were no longer welcome because of anti-French sentiment in the wake of France’s opposition to war in Iraq." A small, sad story about the real-world consequences that the bigotry of Taranto, Lipsky, Stool, and their ilk carry. What a wonderful world.
Elsewhere in the Sun, a fantastic dispatch from Dina Temple-Raston on the upcoming elections in Rwanda, in what looks like what is to become a regular column. There's no way Stool was in on this, another sign for us kraplinologists that perhaps the Sun is thinking about becoming an actual newspaper someday.
Ward Morehouse III describes last night’s Tony awards ‘at’ the cover of today’s Sun. His article opens, “Most everything came up Tonys last night for ‘Hairspray’---the spectacular mega-hit spoof of the 1960s---which won eight awards---including best musical, leading actress, and best actor.
“Richard Greenberg’s gay-themed ode to baseball won Tonys for best play, best direction of a play (Joe Mantello) and featured actor in a play (Denis O’Hare).”
In case you aren’t aware, ‘Hairspray’ is not, in fact, a gay-themed ode to baseball. Mr. III instead is referring to a play called ‘Take Me Out’. We ask again: Is no one editing the Sun? Seth, for once in your life do the right thing, and fire Ira
’s incompetent ass.