Friday, June 27, 2003
Conservatives loathe judicial activism, and fortunately, as they are simple-minded, they have a simple definition of judicial activism. It is any judicial act that does not elevate the lying sack-of-shit son of another sack of shit to the presidency. And so, today's idiotorial theme: judicial activism!
Ira Stoll, who was born on second base and thinks he hit a triple, starts by tearing into the ruling by the New York State Court of Appeals that says that the way public education in New York City is funded is fundamentally unfair. This kind of thing really irks Ira, as it has the potential to improve the lives of two groups of people he despises -- the poor and persons of color.
So Ira, who has never set foot in a public school, once again rehashes every gasbag reacto argument against public school funding that the Manhattan Institute ever fed him. No more need be said; if you have read a single Sun idiotorial on the subject of education, you have read them all. Like most topics, the embarrassingly complete ignorance of the authors does nothing to deter their bile.
On to Judicial Activism Issue II, wherein SethAndIra defend the Three Wise Bigots of the Supreme Court in their attempt to keep homosexuality -- not to mention blow jobs, which are widely adored -- illegal. Instead of having the courage to just come out and say that they hate queers, the Two "Business Partners" launch into so many asides and "not that there's anything wrong with that"s that one might forget they are defending the judicial wisdom of Scalia, Thomas, Rehnquist, and every two-bit homophobe in the whole damn country.
If only these two had been around long enough, it would be fun to have watched them marvel at the wisdom of the Taney court in upholding the democratic will in the Dred Scott case. They would have muttered and spat at Brown v. the Board of Education. They prefer blacks and gays as hair dressers and shoe-shine boys, and no uppity court gonna tell them otherwise.
Rachel Donadio tells us this morning that Sun sponsor Michael Steinhardt is one of the world's freest-spending art collectors. Steinhardt's appetites are large across the board: antiquities
, Treasury notes
, and pie, Fat Mike consumes them all in a gluttinous manner. Most notably, Steinhardt’s got this absurdist masterwork
in his collection.
Thursday, June 26, 2003
THE BIGOTS LOSE
But SethAndIra's fave Supremes, Scalia, Thomas, and Rehnquist, dissent
Says Scalia, "Today's opinion is the product of a Court, which is the product of a law-profession culture, that has largely signed on to the so-called homosexual agenda." He is widely quoted today as saying, "I have nothing against homosexuals," but what he really says in the ruling is, "I have nothing against homosexuals, or any other group, promoting their agenda through normal democratic means." Presumably we are to conclude that "democratic means" then excludes the Supreme Court. Of course, he may be right
. Either way, may Scalia, Thomas, and Rehnquist, henious men all, be remembered as the bigots they so forthrightly show themselves to be.
We anxiously await how the Sun
nis will try to spin the reactionary justices anti-gay activism into some act of heroism. More likely, they won't write about it at all.
Today is Appropriate Michael Savage's Name For Your Own Purposes
day, brought to you by Neal Pollack
. Now, a broadcaster like Savage would seem to fall outside the world of the New York Sun that myself, Grady Olivier
and Quentin Robinson
deal with, but Mr. Savage has quite a bit in common with our beloved Sun. The 9-Point Program of Savage's Paul Revere Society consists of the following:
1. Make tax cuts permanent.
2. Close the borders now.
3. Deport all illegal immigrants now.
4. Eliminate bilingual education in all states.
5. Require health tests for all recent foreign born immigrants.
6. Eliminate as many entitlement programs as possible.
7. Reduce the number of Federal Employees.
8. Oil Drilling on U.S. Soil.
9. Tort Reform "STOP LAWYERS"
I can't see where Sunni leaders Seth Lipsky and Ira Stoll would disagree with any of Savage's points, and can recall poorly written idiotorials on nearly every one of those subjects (hell, JP Avlon has an anti-bilingual education screed in today’s edition alone). But there are so many more similarities!
* The sheer volume of typos and misspellings on Savage's website would be right at home in the pages of the Sun!
* Savage is balding
; Seth is bald
* Savage likes to sue
; friend of Sun Richard ‘Pantywaist’ Perle likes to threaten to sue
! (How come motherfuckers are all “we need tort reform,” and then go out and sue a motherfucker?)
* Savage is a racist who hates poor people; Ira is a racist who hates poor people
* Savage has admitted that he is unpatriotic
; Ira is so unpatriotic he hates
the first amendment!
In retrospect, it’s surprising that Savage isn’t already on staff at the Sun.
Wednesday, June 25, 2003
As if to prove they can read at a 4th grade level, SethAndIra fill up most of the idiotorial column with a cute little fart about the new Harry Potter book. Being lead-poisoned as youngsters, however, they cannot seem to do this without drawing a connection between the book and the New York City school system.
I am basically speechless, except that if you are lucky enough to read their dribble, you are in for an unintentional treat. How this newspaper takes itself even remotely seriously is more and more deeply in question.
can think of no better use for a "newspaper" based in a major metropolitan area - a creature vastly different from and inferior to a "major metropolitan newspaper" - than to devote its mighty 18 pages to extenuating of the marauding and lying of the Bushite
junta and its Likudniac codependents. Benny Avni files a piece saying that, as did GWB's, Smilin' Arik Sharon's regime supported the war against Iraq largely because of "the [dire] forecasts" received from "the intelligence community."
Not mentioned in Avni's article or ever in the Sun
is that the Bushites ignored the bona fide intelligence community (which didn't see Iraq as a menace to America) and instead commissioned Abram Shulsky and the Office of Special Plans
to confect rationales and rationalizations for assaulting Iraq which would complement the lies of Pirate Chalabi and reporter-cum-disinfo conduit Judith Miller
. The latter gang of thugs desperately wanted war, and set about making it happen. A similar situation
obtained in Israel.
But the obvious is immaterial to the Sun
ni mujehedeen. Engagement with fact is forbidden students of Lipsky's journalism madrassah. The Approved Truth is that Bush and his Israeli equivalent were "shocked realized what [WMDs] Saddam had" and "they were shocked once more with Kamel Hussein," the Iraqi defector who provided a "wealth of information about Saddam's" WMD capabilities.
Did he ever
Despite the known fraudulence of the WMD pseudo-intelligence, Ira got his war
. Quite a few others got Ira's war
Unlike certain real newspapers
, the New York Sun
either took yesterday off on the assumption that news fails to break on public holidays, or was prevented by the skeletal staff's shocking ineptitude from delivering its customary dozen or so pages. Either way, it was one of the paper's better days.
Today Seth and Ira write another advertorial for obese swindler Michael Steinhardt's Manhattan Institute, having a go at special education. Brother Brad and I have grown tired of correcting the idiot editorial duo's legion errors, and will today give the two New
Englanders some slack today, flush with residual holiday cheer as we are. Still the special ed theme got us thinking about the welter of imbecility prevailing in Seth and Ira's offices, and how deeply in need of remedial instruction (in basic morality, chiefly, though problems of basic composition, spelling and grammar also plague the Sun
) the inhabitants are. Long ago I had intended to draft a syllabus for the moral betterment of the paper, even volunteering my personal funds for procurement of required materials. This I did on the eve of Seth Lipsky's birthday
We've now been told that the birthday of Ira Stoll (the name seems likely a corruption of "stole," i.e., a wide scarf, pelt, or other palpably dead thing flung around the shoulders of a callous rich asshole
out of vanity) approaches rapidly. Though younger than Propecia Creature Lipsky, a close inspection of Ira's misshapen body would likely reveal a growth of moss on his back and a clutch of ivy vines reaching up his pale legs. To mitigate the pain of growing more not less ridiculous with age, we hereby offer Ira a few volumes for his library. Lazy as we are, we're offering the same $50 toward purchase of anything in the Seven Stories Press
catalogue, though we welcome the LFLS
diehards to write us with the names of specific titles which would aid the aridity of Ira's heart and mind.
Tuesday, June 24, 2003
"Supreme Court Declares Diversity Is Compelling," declares the uncompelling New York Sun
in its front-page acid trip on the Michigan affirmative action case. Apparently SethAndIra disagree with the Supreme Court. So deep is their belief that affirmative action should be reserved for Ivy League twats like themselves -- how else to explain the presence of a felonious crime reporter and a misogynistic, untalented hack
as a managing editor -- that they refuse to see how depriving nice white kids of their proper place might serve some high cause (like, say, slightly righting three centuries of prejudice and oppression). Screw the blacks, they declare, compellingly, except for Clarence Thomas, who is one of the Good Blacks.
Or so we must conclude from their idiotorial, "Waiting for Douglass." True to form, the Sun
nis use the guise of a noted civil rights leader to mask their utterly prejudicial judicial agenda. Not so much a piece of writing as a cut-and-pasted collage of dissenting opinions from the Supreme Court's ruling, the work makes it clear that the folks over at Chambers Street have no idea what diversity is or what they think of how it should be achieved. But, sage opinion-makers that they are, they quote Thomas quoting Douglass "And if the negro cannot stand on his own legs, let him fall." This fits comfortably into Ira's "up by the bootstraps" philosophy, in which everyone lifts him up by the bootstraps and he wonders what the stupid black people holding his incompetent ass up are complaining about. After all, don't his hard-earned tax dollars buy you people microwaves
The sad thing is that these folks fancy themselves champions of the cause of racial justice. They don't quite realize it's the racial justice of a wrong century.
Racial justice might also explain their bottom of the page idiotorial, this one criticizing the bill in the City Council that would put further restrictions on lead paint. You'd never know it from their bluster, but lead is hazardous to the development of youngsters
and has had a disproportionate impact on persons of color in New York City
. But, of course, the real issue is tort reform.
"The bill would ensure little more than that the only ones who will benefit are the kinds of lawyers whose ads plaster the subway cars," write SethAndIra, who never ride in subway cars. "As has been noted on these pages before [ooooh], the research is anything but conclusive linking low-level lead exposure to learning and behavioral problems. The studies that purport to show a link [aaaah] do not deal convincingly with other variables, such as social and economic factors." There you have it: blacks and Hispanics raise their babies with lead poisoning. It's their culture
One can only conclude that the New York Sun
objectively supports the poisoning of thousands of New York City children every year.
Finally, to complete the circle of love, comes this gem from noted bigot James Taranto:
"LIFE IMITATES NATIONAL LAMPOON
'Gay Palestinians Attempt to Blow Away Stereotypes, Jews' — headline, NationalLampoon.com, April 4, 2002
'Canada’s Gay Muslims Unite to Celebrate Their Faith and Their Sexuality' — headline, Canadian Press, June 18, 2003"
“Satan and his servants will NOT appear to the majority of the world or ‘Church’ as angels of darkness, but they will appear as angels of light, inasmuch as they will tell the people what they want to hear.”------Raymond D. Sopp
In related news, noted man of God Gary Bauer
takes out a full page ‘at’ the back of today’s New York Sun, along with fellow travelers Frank Gaffney
(of the Center for Security Policy, which appears to have a problem
with anti-war types) and Clifford D. May
(Foundation for Defense of Democracies---co-founded
by our old friend Richard Perle
!). These three kings advertorialize in favor (with a pro-Israeli flavor) of Resident Bush’s Mideast roadmap
(“they will tell the people what they want to hear”), but sadly appear to have enlisted the sharp-eyed Ira Stoll
as their copy editor. How else to explain the following sentence: “Neither has he engaged, however Abbas has not arrested a single terrorist nor confiscated a single weapon.” (On a side note, I have always wondered why any Jews anywhere accept the support of people like Bauer, who are only interested in saving Israel now so that it can be destroyed later
.) The preceding was also, of course, the only unpredictable passage in the missive.
As Brother Sopp says, “Lord, keep us from temptation, and all the lies
of the Evil One
bankrollers (and champ swindlers
) Michael Steinhardt and Bruce Kovner distract themselves from the pedestrian world of treasury fraud, they might wanna have a go at this promising money-making opportunity
are of course already fully invested.
Monday, June 23, 2003
Regular readers now know about SethAndIra's delusion
of being "much-remarked-upon." The paper's name has been spoken solely as the punchline to a joke. Until now. An article printed by the what SethAndIra wish was their competetion contains this:
Mr. Green is demanding a retraction for a much-remarked-upon article in The New York Sun last week — an anonymously sourced story saying that Mr. Schrader told unnamed Hynes investigators that Mr. Green and Mr. Norman cooked up the endorsement-for-money deal directly.
Calling the story "double hearsay," yesterday, Mr. Green said there had been no meeting. "It never happened," he said. "It's a lie and they knew it. What's disgusting is to find myself being retroactively slandered because Clarence Norman has gotten enmeshed in a criminal probe and a media frenzy."
The paper's editor, Seth Lipsky, said, "I see nothing at all that needs to be retracted or corrected."
Of course you don't.
, your days at the Sun are likely numbered. From today’s Guardian
Black days for Sun
For Conrad Black, the news just gets worse. At a recent pow-wow for obituarists, the representative of the New York Sun - the rightwing organ Black launched over a year ago to take on the pinko New York Times - said he'd had few complaints, "but that's because nobody reads our paper yet".
will have you know that their fine publication
is the fastest growing urban metro daily except for weekends as long as you count bulk subscriptions bought by corrupt rich bastard cronies of its felonious money-men hobbyist backers in the entire New York City area! Expect your walking papers soon.
Buried on page 5 (if you can use the term "buried" in an 18-page wafer) is an AP story about the continued crumbling of the country formerly known as Iraq. I don't know if Adam Daifallah noticed it on his recent pilgrimage to the New Middle East -- so tightly snuggled as he was in Ahmed Chalabi's jock -- but the "q" word is popping up more and more often these days, and for what looks like good reason. The Bushies are bad at government.
The cutline on the AP story, "Peaceful Coexistence" paints the town of Fallujah as "a success story of sorts." One wonders, a success story for whom
? They must have ripped off that "success story" line from another AP story
, which makes sense, the way they wantonly abuse that respected news service.
But what better metaphor for the Sun
ni's willful suspension of disbelief. At what point will SethAndIra, and the (at least nominal) "the Iraqi occupation is about peace and democracy" crowd understand that they were betrayed? When Baghdad looks more and more like Mogadishu? Or maybe when Iraq descends into a more widely remembered quagmire
Oh, if only, thinks Seth Lipsky. Seth is so enamored with the prospect of another Nam that he would not feel the least bit saddened if we all end up in The Shit. But what of Ira? Will his professed allegiance to a free Middle East topple when it becomes obvious to him -- as it has been obvious to many for a long, long time -- that this was not about prosperity and freedom, but Bechtel and Halliburton?
Elsewhere, fat fuck James Taranto tries to take a jab at Democratic candidates for president, and as usual descends into unintentioned self-mockery. Quoting Dr. Howard Dean alongside great Democratic presidents and their finer oratorical moments, he quotes the doctor thus: "All those countries the president insulted on his way into Iraq -- they all have health insurance."
Putting this quote next to famous lines by Truman and Kennedy is meant as satire, but all it really does is give a forum for Dean to repeat an excellent line about The Resident. They do all have health insurance. Health insurance, poll after poll shows, is the issue, along with education, that Americans care about most. The Resident's health care achievements could fit nicely into a ... how do you fit into nothing? Karl Rove's Medicaid plan is a joke. Dean has a good plan to cover most Americans who do not currently have insurance at a fraction of the cost of Clinton's plan. What, exactly, is funny?
Answer: Shrub's known penchant for eloquence
, which, unintentionally, becomes the true focus of Taranto's rapier-like wit. Put W next to Truman, and you get, "It's one thing about insurance, that's a Washington term."